She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
