I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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