haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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