just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
