I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
