He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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