he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
