So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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