Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
