I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
