I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
