Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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