He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize