it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Even my vagina gasped.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Randomize
