elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
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