drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
