Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
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