Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I just pynch a tree in the face
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
