My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
