i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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