my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
