I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
