I'm laying in your front yard are you home
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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