No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
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