census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I cut my penus on the lid.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
