Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
