oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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