Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
