Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
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