when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
