I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
