hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
