we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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