i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
