found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
