He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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