i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Holy sore nipples Batman
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
