Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Woke up backwards on a recliner
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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