Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
