is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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