nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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