If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
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