Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
He has the fingertips of a God
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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