Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
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