so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
