I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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