You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
