just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
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