Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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