Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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