I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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