I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
