woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
