My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
