every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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