Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
