a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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