If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize