I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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