I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
