mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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