take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize