That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
