Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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