dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
