Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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