I can feel you judging me through the phone.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
