There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I checked into jail on foursquare
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I think i got beer on your cat.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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