It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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