Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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