nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Of course I have a pirate flag
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
