I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
