margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Randomize
