I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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