you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
