im holly from the hills drunk
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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