so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
