i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
