i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
