So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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