I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
