I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
