I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
