I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
